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Pay Attention to Gender Issues The different ways men and women communicate can make all the difference A lot has been said about the differences between men and women. Whichever planet we are from, Mars or Venus, it does seem there are significant differences in the way we see the world and communicate with one another. For the design/build community, it can have a profound effect on whether projects end up as successes or failures. Before I go any further, I should point out there are many women in my life. I have a mother, sister, wife and daughter. Lord knows, I have made mistakes in dealing with all of them. My wife blanches when she hears me making generalizations about women. However, even she will concede that we view the world in starkly different ways. Furthermore, she recognizes that how we communicate with the world is partly due to our gender. The problem for us design/builders is that we are predominantly male, while our client lists consist of many females. Furthermore, I have found that of the male/female couples with whom I have dealt, it is the female who controls the money in many cases. Think about your past client experiences. In those client meetings, who was more vocal? Was it the man or woman? Who made more suggestions about design? Who seemed more vested in the project? But here’s the tricky part. Even if you think you are talking to the decision maker — the one who is vocal in meetings — in actuality it may be the other party who is controlling the purse strings. Therefore, it is imperative that you address both parties. We men tend to want to solve the problem, sometimes without having a full picture of what the problem is! Women tend to want to discuss the problem in detail and are much better at full disclosure. If the ultimate goal of design/build is to minimize the threat of change orders, then our upfront goal should be to add clarity and definition to the client. Because women tend to be more interested in communicating, we need to facilitate that interest by providing examples and pictures. Maybe 3-D drawings will help achieve that goal (see last issue’s article). Perhaps you can allow them access to their project over the Internet. Maybe a regular phone call with status updates will provide the needed clarity. And it’s not even just our words that sabotage us men. In fact, 92 percent of communication is non-verbal. That is, we may be saying exactly what the homeowner wants to hear, but if our body posture and tone sends a conflicting message, they are not hearing us. Are your eyes making contact as you speak to the client? Are you listening to their questions in total without nodding your head or raising your eyebrows or giving some other unintended message? For example, I am guilty of nodding while someone asks a question. What I am trying to say is, "Yes, I understand what you are asking." But what may come across is "The answer to your question is yes." These are two vastly different messages. And what about those misconstrued phone conversations? Clarify your meaning by asking if they have questions. For example, after they have made a statement, you can reply, "By that you mean . . ." I have found if I repeat key points of conversations there is less confusion, especially if it involves any change to a prior understanding. To paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson, what we say is overwhelmed by what we do. This reminds me of a recent incident. Last month I was sitting at a red light when a beautiful black box truck pulled up alongside me. I noticed it because it was for a plumbing company and I was impressed at how clean and nice-looking the truck was. The light changed and the truck pulled ahead of me. That’s when I saw it. It had a bumper sticker on the rear that read "Follow me to Hooters!" Talk about a change in perception! I know my wife would not want that truck in our driveway. As a matter of fact, neither would I. Joseph Dellanno is the founder of my Design/Build Project, a Web communication application for design and build teams, and president of my Design/Build Coach, providing design/build business training exclusively for residential designers and building professionals. He is also president of Design Solutions Inc., a national design firm providing professional design/build companies award-winning design services. Dellanno can be reached at (781) 648-5548 or info@mydesignbuildproject.com. |
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Pay Attention to Gender Issues By Joseph Dellanno August 3, 2004 Reprinted from Residential Design & Build Magazine www.dbmagazine.com |
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